


The Long Wait

by FukubeSouhei



Category: Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun | My Little Monster
Genre: Cute, F/M, Fluff, i hope i did them justice, i missed sasanatsu so much, it's been so long since i last wrote some sasanatsu, sasanatsu, still an otp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 21:49:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15981203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FukubeSouhei/pseuds/FukubeSouhei
Summary: Sasayan decides to accompany Natsume as she waits for the next train. They haven't seen each other for months. They don't even talk much. Just how exactly would things go when they're just waiting.





	The Long Wait

What Natsume hates about men is that they look at her as if they've never seen girls before. 

She really does appreciate it: when they come to her and tell her they like her. But then what comes out of their mouths after that feels like a script from a textbook. It's always because she's pretty; That she's beautiful; That she caught their attention because of her face. She really does appreciate it when someone tells her they like to be with her, but everytime she hears what comes after that, she feels more and more disappointed. It makes her feel as if she is just an attraction that's supposed to be only looked at. 

Sasayan was like the other guys, too. He wasn't any different. But, well, he wasn't completely the same either. Natsume made a point at this, somewhere there, on the back of her mind, whenever she is forced to remember the very first time he told her she was pretty. There weren't any other words there. Not after, not before. Just that. Sasayan had told her she was pretty, and for a first she felt quite troubled because of different reasons. She'd always had this kind of conversation plastered on her mind before, so when he didn't follow, she was quite taken aback. Of course, she doesn't show it. She'd grown to be careful of her surroundings, especially with men. She can still remember the look on his face when he said it. It didn't make her feel threatened, or whatever. She felt glad, if anything, because she felt like she could let her guard down with this... man... boy, whatever. He was really short anyway. He looks like a kid, but his way of thinking and his way of words would tell otherwise.

It was that until he betrayed her. He ended up giving her the idea that he likes her. She was so mad at him. And he doesn't even say sorry. She was determined not to accept his feelings and be square with him. She'd put up with guys before, rejecting them had always been easy. It's one of the scenarios she had gone through her head multiple times before. What she doesn't calculate, however, was how they'd respond to her. So she wasn't quite sure what to do when Sasayan snapped back at her and... well, decided to get square with her, too. Sasayan had always been a reasonable guy, so it wasn't supposed to be that much of a shock, anyway. Perhaps she just didn't understand him enough.  
And when Natsume looks at Sasayan now, there, sleeping beside her, she notices just how harmless he could be. He sleeps so quietly, and with his head bobbing up and down, she finds it a little too cute. She doesn't deliberately touch guys at all, so it takes quite an amount of courage to tilt his head slowly towards her shoulder. Sasayan was lucky he wasn't that tall. She says those words like the huffs of her breath. 

The boy named Sasayan shifts slightly on his seat and his eyes flutter for a while. "I'm sorry, Natsume-san. I look so uncool right now." His head stays laid on her shoulder. She lets out a sigh, just to cover the faint laughter that resides there. It made her seem cold. She looks at the sky. Year-end snow falls like rain, but at least it's gotten calmer.  
Sasayan shivers by her side. He wasn't even wearing any gloves. When he'd heard Natsume was near, he quickly left baseball practice, went home to change from his sweaty clothes, then got out of his house just to meet her. He wanted to see her off before she leaves town. She'd only be back a few days because of the holidays, as what he'd recently found out. Natsume'd have to go back to school early to prepare for the next term. 

"No. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about me coming here-" She says.

"I didn't expect much anyway." Sasayan says without any sense of dismay. He lifts his head up from her shoulder and looks at her with sleepy eyes. "I'm just glad you told me before you left." His eyes shut slowly and then open again. He must be so sleepy, Natsume thinks. He had been practicing all day and without any breaks, he'd arrived at the train station, panting, looking for her. BUt even with all that, Natsume was able to witness the grin she didn't know she missed so much. 

And now, it's already almost midnight. Natsume's train had been delayed because of the snow. Sasayan had insisted he'd stay with her until she leaves. She could not shake him off even if she wanted to. So they sat there, waiting. They never talk much. Well, it's not like they do talk much even back in high school. They were comfortable that way. Besides, Sasayan was ignoring the fact that he was too tired just to be with her. Natsume figured it would be best not to tire him out more. He might get more tired if she talks too much. She needed the quiet, anyway. She was thinking of how she'd let things unfold.

"Hey..." Sasayan says again. It was only until then that Natsume noticed she'd been quiet for too long. "Aren't you gonna say anything? Something like how you appreciate it that I ditched baseball practice and ignored a lot of calls for you?" He was trying to sound convincing and cool, but the sleepiness in his voice wasn't helping at all. "Darn it, I shouldn't have stayed up late last night just to finish that game."

Natsume can't help but smile. "I didn't ask you to come, though." 

"You know I'd come anyway. You're terrible that way." Sasayan says, stretching his hands. He twists his lips for a while, as if hes forgetten what to say. And when he finally talks, he manages to give her a good stare. "Also, you want me here."

Natsume cocks her head in response. He's way past the point of telling cheesy lines just to get her attention. There was a time when he'd tell her how he likes her, and he'd laugh at how she would react. None of that happens now. The fact that he confessed to her once, and the words that go along with it, has become a truth they both know, but they so rarely ever talk about anymore. "How so?"

Sasayan takes a while before shrugging his shoulders. Well maybe he still tries, and perhaps he is thinking for a sly, romantic response to get her off guard. But Sasayan sticks to what he's observed. "Well, you wouldn't have told me which exact station you are if you don't want me to meet you."

Natsume doesn't ever win when it comes to Sasayan. It's a fact she'd noticed ever since she found out he likes her. Of course, she doesn't acknowledge that she loses. Sasayan wasn't even competing with her in the first place. It's just she'd find it quite vexing that Sasayan is so good at blanking her thoughts for a few seconds.

"Hmmp." She retorts. "I was just making it easier for you." She hates how she whines when he guesses right.

"And the point still stands that you do want me here." Sasayan says. Natsume hates it how he can does it so easily, and the sleepiness in his voice wasn't even supporting him. He just looks at her the way he talks: tiredly, but there's always that hint of sharpness. "God, Natsume I need some coffee. You want something, uhm... grape juicce, or strawberry, was it? You still can't stand coffee, right?"

"Booooo." Natsume says a little too loud and fast that Sasayan almost didn't need caffeine. "You underestimate me too much, Sasayan-kun. Don't you know? I drink coffee every night now just to stay awake."

"Would I know?" Sasayan says with a smile. "Anyway, you stay here. And don't bail on me. I'm gonna grab some."

"Do you really think I'd bail on you?" Natsume asks him, quite seriously.

"Well... If the train comes, you might." Sasayan replies. He pauses and then laughs at particularly no one. "Am I thinking too much? I'm sorry."

"I'm used to it." Natsume says, "After all, you had always been the only boy who could make jokes on me or... or talk back to me and tell me I'm wrong and make me so angry or whatever. So, yes, it's quite refreshing to see you haven't changed, Sasayan-kun."

Sasayan stares at her for too long after hearing her response. He's stopped moving, too. Natsume thought if she pretty much hasn't really understood him fully at all. Maybe she did beat him sometimes. When she looks at him now, she is able to make him go quiet. And she didn't even intend to. A faint excitement she couldn't comprehend builds up within her. The thought of beating Sasayan in normal conversations seemed appealing.

"You know, Natsume-san." Sasayan starts to say. "You don't say things like that when you haven't replied to my confession yet. I kind of feel... I don't know..." He lets out a sigh and looks at her straight in the eye. "You... You stop saying things like that. I did tell you to hurry up and fall in love with me once, and I still remember the look on your face at that moment. You're cute when you blush. But I don't think blushing suits me. And if you continue to say things like that, I might. Anyway, one coffee for me, one grape juice for you-"

"Coffee! I want coffee!" Natsume wailed. It was so hard to wail like she's unbothered when what she wanted was to put a tape on Sasayan's mouth. "Darn it, Sasayan-kun! I was enjoying my little moment of victory-"

"What do you mean?" Sasayan was seriously puzzled.

"Nevermind that." Natsume says. No amount of wailing can hide the fact that she was flustered.

"Okay. So I'll be back." Sasayan says before turning to approach the closest vending machine. Natsume just looks at him as walks. She wonders if Sasayan had gone taller but she couldn't quite tell because she'd only measured him when he was close to her. Their eyes always almost meets when they are face to face. His hair, however, had gotten quite tamer, and his hands were a little bit firmer. He hasn't stopped batting since high school. As Natsume was watching him insert bills into the machine, she wonders just how much has actually changed. She tries to count and enumerate, but she can't succeed. Sasayan had always been like he is. Natsume can't explain it exactly, but he was always comfortable to be around with, despite being difficult at times. Before she could find a good explanation, Sasayan is already walking back towards her. She realizes she had been staring at his direction for too long, and when Sasayan meets her eyes, she is quick to avert her gaze. She didn't make it too obvious, though. And thankfully, Sasayan doesn't pry when he finally sits down next to her. He hands her the can of coffee without looking at her. She accepts it carefully.

Natsume hears the sound of the can being opened with Sasayan's hands. She watches him as he takes a sip of the drink first before finally gulping down a huge amount. She looks at the drink she is holding and she opens it, or at least she tries to. She was never really good at opening cans, she was afraid they'd come bursting like she sees on comedy shows. She finally does it successfully, and as careful as she can, sips on the drink. She doesn't notice Sasayan was looking at her the entire time.

"Tastes good, right?" Sasayan says and Natsume nods, though she can never tell if she likes it or not.

"You lie sometimes, do you?" Sasayan says. He then reaches out his other hand, the one not holding his coffee, and there lies the fruit juice Natsume used to buy. "Bought it just in case. Here."

Natsume couldn't answer. She should say thanks, of course, but the sly look on Sasayan's face really upped her pride. She accepts the juice anyway and drinks from it rather quickly. Sasayan lets out a little laugh and grabs the coffee Natsume was holding. "I needed two, anyway. I'm so sleepy, see?"

And he does grab the coffee and looks at Natsume cautiously before drinking. Natsume was still sipping from her juice, waiting for Sasayan to say more. It turns out to be a mistake. 

"So this will be our first kiss, right?" He says and pops the can to his mouth. Natsume, on the other hand, is forced to spit out hers.

"I'm sorry, Natsume-san." Sasayan said, but that was after he let out a long laugh. He was practically a kid, rubbing his eyes with tears of joy, of drowsiness, of whatever. Natsume is there, watching him, and she wonders why she couldn't be angry at him, or at least be that angry. "I'm awake now." He adds.

"You're terrible." Natsume says, but Sasayan was still giggling. "You're terrible, you know that?" Natsume repeats.

"I know." Sasayan says. And he does know. He knows it too well. He knows he's terrible because he keeps it from her how he knew she was lying. That one late night he called her on the phone, and her tired voice greeted him back because apparently she hasn't been sleeping early for nights straight, studying for the exams. Sasayan had suggested coffee but she said she still doesn't like it. He's terrible because he reminds her he still likes her without saying it. That one day she found him at the gates of her school, waiting for her just to tell her his team won a very important baseball match, then left so soon because he still had a lot of things to do. He's terrible because he doesn't check up on her all the time, but he always seem to know just when to call. He's terrible because he still loves her a lot, even when there had been many girls at his school willing to return the affection.

"Good." Natsume replies. And she sips on what's left of her drink. She leans back on her chair and watches as Sasayan finishes his second can. Her eyes trail to his hands and notice again how bare it was. She feels the sensation of the drink on her own and she shivers. "Sasayan-kun, aren't you cold?"

Sasayan notices Natsume was looking at his hands. "Oh, this? Well, yeah." He laughs like an idiot. "Yeah. It's obvious I was too excited, yeah?" He laughs again. "Oh, man." He stares blankly at space before finally answering Natsume's question. "Yes, I'm actually quite cold. But-" He puts his hands to his mouth and breathes on it and rubs it together. "See? It's not that bad if I do this." And he thinks rubbing his hands is a perfect distraction because he wasn't quite used to Natsume being worried about him. At times like these he is forced to think about what made him stick with Natsume after all these years.

What Sasayan thinks about girls is that they're very unpredictable. He had always been good at making friends, be it boys or girls. He's gotten tired now of denying that he was, as what he had been told, quite popular. But that's just because he knows how to handle people, and he's quite skilled at avoiding bad situations with people. But he has to agree that girls are kind of harder to deal with. He'd had a girlfriend once, someone he wasn't quite sure if he'd really manifested any feelings for. They didn't really last long because the girl broke up with him about three months after. He'd tried to treat her special, that is to say, unlike how he usually treats his female friends, and he could say he did a pretty decent job. A very decent job. But one day, the girl just told him she wanted it to end, which confused Sasayan a lot because she was the one who confessed her feelings to him at the start.

Sometime after that, Sasayan would think about her, and he'd always end up with the same thought: that he wouldn't meddle in romance for a while. Well, not until at least he fully understands it. He didn't particularly have feelings for her, Sasayan remembers. He admits he was immature and a huge percentage of why they got together in the first place was that he was surprised he was liked romantically by someone. He had a "what could happen?" attitude and decided to go with it despite being unsure of himself. After that, he moved on and preferred just being friends with anyone, as it was a lot easier. For a long time he had been treating everyone equally with honesty that when he met a pretty girl once and told her about the facts, he felt confused when she didn't deny or accept it. Of course, he meant nothing with it as he was just stating an observation, and he juust met her anyway so he wasn't really in a position to mean anything more than the fact that she was, indeed, beautiful. The girl just stared at him cautiously, as if she was waiting for more compliments. But after a while, the girl's face relaxed and he strangely felt like he wanted to figure her out.

But truthfully, Sasayan hadn't really met unpredictable until Natsume. He'd known, after observing her a little bit, how he reacts towards boys. That was the reason why she always felt cautious the first time they met. She really had an active repulsion towards boys, he'd seen it himself. He had always kept it to himself that he smiles at times he thinks about how Natsume had stayed friends with him for a long time. He acknowledges it as a feat. So when he noticed she liked someone, and an older guy at that, Sasayan wondered why she would. Why would she? There's this tugging feeling inside him. And he realized it later on that he was jealous. He didn't really entertain the feeling much, though, so he hasn't really been that active. Well, not until he held her hand when she cried. And then she came at him the next morning, telling him not to make any advances towards her. Sasayan couldn't believe how Natsume could be so full of herself. He gave her a piece of his mind that day. It was quite a tense verbal argument. But as unpredictable as she is, she decided to talk with him later on, asking him to be friends with her again. And Sasayan hated how he's become so unlike him when it comes to her, because everything always slips and everything doesn't come when he plans to and he was made to confess right after. He can feel Natsume's trust towards him crumble down. But what's constant is that she's good at being unpredictable, so even after everything that has happened, she was still there with him.

Even until now, there she was, beside him, telling him how he might be cold. And he really is cold. He is breathing on his hands to warm it up and she's looking at him as if she wanted to do something about it. But of course, he knows she wouldn't do anything about it. He would feel very warm if she'd hold his hand, something he could only picture in his mind. It made him remember how the mere act of "holding hands" had made her gone mad back then. Looking back at it now, it only makes him laugh. And laugh he did, so Natsume wonders what was going on with him.

"You might have gone crazy." Natsume says. He looks at him for quite a long time, and Sasayan can notice her gaze quite obviously. Without thinking about it, she grabs his hand and looks away from him. Sasayan is too frozen to even say anything or do anything. He just looks at how small Natsume's hand is, gently placed on top of his. 

"I... I don't feel warm unless you hold onto it tight, Natsume-san." Sasayan jokes because he was actually too confused to handle what was going on.

"Shut up, Sasayan-kun, why didn't you wear proper clothing when you know it's freezing outside." Natsume says. She pauses for a while before taking a long sigh. Then she looks at him straight in the eye and tells him that he is stupid. And Sasayan can feel that she is dead serious.

For a moment Sasayan just stares at her, wondering how best to respond. But all his calculations went nowhere so he just ends up laughing and using his other hand to wipe the tears of joy, of tiredness, of whatever, away from his eyes. "Natsume-san, you really are something." Sasayan chuckles. She doesn't answer him and she wasn't looking at him either.

"My hands are perfectly fine now, see?" Sasayan continues. "You can take off your hand now-"

Sasayan has to stop because Natsume suddenly squeezed his hand a little too tight. No, really tight that it was actually quite painful. "-Agh. Wow, when did you have that kind of grip?" He says both in awe and in complaint.

"I'm holding your hand, Sasayan-kun." Natsume says. It was a very quiet statement, but that was all it took to make Sasayan feel entirely warm. He didn't know he could blush so hard and Natsume was actually looking at him. "I am... holding your hand, Sasayan-kun." Natsume repeats.

Sasayan didn't know why he was holding his breath. He was completely out of his mind, but he has to respond to Natsume. "Yeah... Yeah- Wha- What about it?" It was only what he could manage, obviously with quite the difficulty.

"I don't understand now why I got so mad at you when you held my hand back then, when I was crying." Natsume admits. "I feel so embarrassed right now." And Sasayan thinks she doesn't have any right to say that because he himself couldn't even move at all and what? Just because Natsume was holding his hand, he couldn't even compose himself? Ridiculous! 

"Well... Uhm.. That was all in the past, anyway." Sasayan manages to say. "You were terrible that way." 

Natsume nods. "I guess I am. I mean I am terrible for getting your hopes up until now because I realize you clearly still like me a lot the moment I saw you panting as you came to the station." Natsume looks at Sasayan in the eye, her hand still holding his. She had loosened her grip now. "I am terrible for coming to one of your baseball matches and I didn't even tell you about it. But Sasayan-kun, you looked very happy when you won, so I'm terrible again for taking a picture of you grinning like a kid without your permission. I am terrible because I am holding your hand now and you are paralyzed there, not knowing what to do. Most of all, I am terrible for not-" She stops talking because a voice from the station speakers interrupts her. Both of them jump a little, and their hands were forced to separate. The announcement told them that Natsume's train is already approaching.

Sasayan just stays seated there, wondering how it was actually possible that he could hear his own heart beat. Natsume's hand was already pulled from his, but somehow he can feel he was being held. Natsume was starting to check her baggage. Unbeknownst to Sasayan, Natsume was actually losing her own mind as well. Despite saying everything without error, she couldn't really believe she was able to pull it off. She can't even tell if the announcement was an interruption or a saving grace.

"You're really going now. That train sure did take its time." Sasayan says after telling himself to keep calm. He stands up from his seat and offers to carry Natsume's trolley. "Too bad Mizutani-san and Yoshida-kun aren't here to see you off. They must have been busy." With the midnight moon, the few station lights illuminating Natsume's face, Sasayan can't help but tell her that she's still as pretty as when he first saw her.

Natsume rethinks how the words "You're pretty" and "I like you" or "Do you have a boyfriend" always gets mixed up together in confessions. It has always been that way with guys, but it wasn't like that for Sasayan at all. Sasayan had told her she was pretty when they haven't known each other yet, and only when he'd had a clear idea on who she was did he tell her he likes her. She didn't really think those two phrases could be separated and stand for themselves individually. 

The sound of the train approaching gets loud. She looks at it from afar and she doesn't know if she should hate it. "Sasayan-kun..." She says. "I'm sorry if I've always made you feel like this... When I think about it, it makes me feel so disappointed in myself."

Sasayan was looking at the train, now closer than ever, while listening to Natsume. He wanted time to stop for a while. He hated how they had the whole night for themselves yet they never had the right words to say. "What do you mean by that?" He asks.

"I didn't call Haru or Shizuku at all. I mean I know they're busy with their own lives right now. I didn't want to interrupt them. But you just went ahead and assumed I did, and that they weren't able to come. And so because of that, I called you instead. Am I right, Sasayan-kun?" She stands up from her seat so that her eyes are almost on level with Sasayan. She can measure him now just well. And she liked it how it didn't really change much.

"Yeah... I did." Sasayan says, surprised by how Natsume had been so observant. He didn't even notice it. He'd always thought of himself as the person Natsume would go to whenever Haru or Shizuku isn't there. It seemed that way back in high school. 

"How unromantic, Sasayan-kun. You haven't grown taller at all." Natsume manages to tease him. His face doesn't hide it when he blushes. And he pouts and he looks away and he says something about how height doesn't matter. But Natsume wasn't listening. 

"But that's perfect. You're making it easier for me." She says, very quietly, enough for him to hear it and make his face contort in confusion. The train head passes by and the gust of wind it carries blows around them. Natsume grabs her trolley handle and gets closer towards Sasayan.

"Natsume-san?" He says.

"You were right, Sasayan-kun." Natsume says. Just as she was done speaking, the sound and the movement of the train stops. Everything suddenly seemed so quiet. And what Natsume wanted to say next would be a statement that would ring in Sasayan's ears. "I wanted you here. And you came." She moves closer towards him, which made him step back a little. She then raises her hand and covers Sasayan's eyes with it. The quick gesture made Sasayan flinch. Sasayan was too stunned to do anything. But he could feel her breath, which only meant she was standing very close to him. "I'm sorry for doing this." She says. "I know you'd understand."

And there was silence, and for a while Sasayan thought Natsume might be playing him, getting back at him for all the times he made her go quiet, or flustered, or mad, or anything at all. He couldn't see anything. He was afraid when his vision returns, Natsume would disappear. The thought scared him. "Natsume-san-" He tries to say, but he can't finish. 

She kissed him. 

Without seeing anything, he felt her lips on him. A really gentle peck that would imprint itself to Sasayan for a very long time. 

And when she pulls away, she uncovers his eyes.

And she sees him red with surprise. 

And he, well, he sees her just the same.

"You- You know I can't believe I.. I just did that, too." Natsume says, stuttering. "But ah-... I cannot keep it from you any longer that I do have this very weird feeling whenever you call me, or when I remember you, or when you surprise me like how you bought that juice drink just in case."

"Natsume, I-"

"Stop. I might become a total mess if you say anything and explain how you feel right now or make any jokes or be frank with me or whatever. I just kissed you! Sasayan-kun. ME! You know how unlikely that is?"

The doors of the train opens. She leans back on her trolley for support. She needed support but if Sasayan were to touch her or come closer to her, she might die. She lets out air and she smiles at Sasayan. "I'm sorry I took this long, but I hope this doesn't make things any weird."

Sasayan looks at her for a while. A very long while and then starts to laugh. He laughs as he wipes the tears from his eyes out of joy now for sure. "Wow, I... Natsume-san I-" He stops his words just to smile at her shyly and look down. "- really do love you." And he raises his head to see her so red.

Natsume doesn't want to embarrass herself more so she pulls on her belongings and she slips into the train. She turns around to see a final good look at Sasayan before leaving. And he looks back at her with a shine in his eye. She'd seen that shine before, from far away. She looks at it in the picture she secretly took with her phone. 

"Is this official now, Natsume-san?" He says, his lips curving at the edges. "Am I your boyfriend now? So can you kiss me next time without feeling embarrased about it?" And the doors were already closed, perfectly after he pronounced every single word. The train slowly starts to depart and they look at each other through the glass. Sasayan waves his hand out to her, not minding at all that she isn't waving back. He's awake now. He doesn't feel sleepy at all. He might never get some sleep at all. But that's okay, because Natsume is still unpredictable, but maybe he could figure her out better now.

As the train moves forward and Sasayan could not be seen anymore, Natsume finds her hands touching her lips. She just kissed a guy. 

She just kissed a guy. 

She kissed Sasayan. And the feeling still lingers on her. She purses her lips and she can taste a very faint flavor of it. The last thing she thinks about before collapsing into the seat in a state of unrest is that if that is so, if it reminds her of him, then it's possible that she might actually try to like coffee.


End file.
